TeeJay's World of Onsense

99 Years

2011-02-09T14:13:00.022-05:00

I attended a wake last evening, and although I have been to many in my 48 years, this one was a bit different than most. The woman who had died had lived to the age of 99. This in itself didn’t strike me in any particular way, as more and more people these days are living into their 90s, and even beyond. What it was that struck me was in reading the year of her birth on the laminated card that the funeral home had created to commemorate her. It stated that she was born in 1911.

1911. Think about that for a moment.

What was the world like in 1911, and during her early years growing up? She was a child in the 1910s and early 1920s. When I paused for a moment to consider that, I was almost startled by the thought. How much the world had changed in just her lifetime. Wow!

During her early childhood…

….the earliest automobile (known then as the ‘motor buggy’ or ‘motor carriage’) was in its heyday, being manufactured by as many as 75 makers. The Ford Model T was the primary vehicle of this nature being sold in the United States. At this time, roads were not paved, and although some streets were cobblestone or brick, the majority were still dirt.

…the Titanic made its maiden (and fateful) voyage.

…the telephone, although invented in 1879, was still in the process of development for broad use, and was not available to most homes. Mark Twain is said to be one of the first Americans to have his own private telephone.

…the average life span in the United States was about 54 (versus about 77 years today).

…penicillin and other antibiotics did not exist. Also, one of the worst flu pandemics in modern times occurred (1918), taking over 50 million lives worldwide. It lasted three years, and spread to every continent on Earth, even the Arctic and remote Pacific Islands.

…the following medical remedies were common (many of these will make you laugh):

• Earache: blow pipe smoke in the ear

• Draw out infection: turpentine alone or turpentine, sugar, salt pork and soap as a poultice

• Blood poisoning: Potash of Mercury dissolved in water

• Insect sting: apply chewing tobacco, mud, sliced onion and bluing

• Pneumonia: apply a mustard plaster

• Croup: 1-2 drops of kerosene on a tsp. of sugar

• Deep cuts (to stop bleeding): pack flour into the cut

• Diaper rash: burnt flour or cornstarch

• Coughs: whiskey, lemon, and honey

• Sunburn: wring out a cloth in strong tea, vinegar or canned milk; put cloth on skin; or a paste of cornstarch & water

• Toothache: hold vinegar on tooth

• Arthritis: bind potato slices on both sides of affected joint; wear a copper bracelet

• Chronic nosebleed: wear necklace made of lead

• Gallstones: fast for 24 hours; then eat a quart of tomatoes; four hours later, eat a lemon; wait one hour and take a big dose of Epson’s Salts

…the advent of the television was still over 30 years away. The father of television, Milton Berle, was only a child himself (having been born in 1908).

….American Indians were not considered citizens of the United States. It wasn’t until 1924 that they would be granted this designation by way of the 14^th Amendment to the Constitution.

…commercial transportation was still very limited - only the railroad could carry goods over long distances – so most food was grown and eaten locally. It was also 100% organic.

…Elvis Presley, who died over 33 years ago, was not even born until she was 24 years old.

…airplanes were being used for the very first time. The Wright Brothers famous first flight preceded her by a mere 8 years, and she was 16 when Charles Lindbergh made the first solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean.

…the personal computer as we know it today was still 60 years away. Hewlett-Packard would not introduce the first ‘desktop’ computer until the 1970s.

….women were, for the very first time, given the right to vote in public elections.

…radio first began coming into existence. 1912 marked the year that stations required licensing before being allowed to broadcast. The radio was one of the most popular forms of family entertainment. “AM” radio was the only kind of radio in existence at this time.

…the top film stars in Hollywood were Theda Bara, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, Charlie Chaplin and Clara Bow. You could go watch a movie at the local Nickelodeon for $0.25. In 1907, just a few years before she was born, you could see a movie for about $0.05 (thus the name ‘Nickelodeon).

…the population of the United States was about 92 million. Today, there are about 308 million people. The world map showed such countries as Abyssinia, Austria-Hungary, Formosa, German East Africa, and Upper Volta. The most populous ‘nation’ in the world at the time was the British Empire, standing at approximately 400 million.

It’s amazing how swiftly the world can change in the span of just one person’s lifetime. What year were you born in, and how much has changed since then? And how much will it change during the lifetime of our children? The thought of it is almost incomprehensible.

All The Small Things

2010-01-09T08:20:00.008-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted - I guess "life" has been occupying me a lot lately and not affording me the time I might otherwise use to log my thoughts and philosophies here. But I had an experience last night that compelled me to sit down at the computer this morning and express some things that were happily dancing around in my head.

As a separatee (and probably soon to be divorcee), I live apart from my wife and children - I have two boys, ages 11 and 9. I have them with me for visitation every other weekend, with this being one of those weekends. I look forward to these visits with such anticipation. :)

On a normal Friday night with the boys, I would pick them up from their mom, then swing by the local pizza restaurant (called Bella Luna - I love that name, btw) and get a delicious pizza pie to take out and then eat while winding down in front of some T.V. at my apartment. But last night, my dear Conor boy had his first ever school dance. He is a sixth grader, and although I remember having my first "crush" on a girl when I was in 6th grade, Conor has confessed to me that he doesn't yet like girls. And so, I imagined the dance to be, well, not anything more than just hanging out with all of his friends, hearing some great music, and doing a bit of jumping around every now and then. And in speaking to him when I picked him up afterward, it turned out that that was more or less what it was. Still, it was delightful to see Conor "growing up" in this fashion. :)

But the most beautiful part of the night came with my other son Brett. While Conor was at his dance, Brett and I had some time to ourselves, so instead of the customary pizza, I suggested sushi at the local Japanese restaurant. Brett and Conor both love sushi, so I knew that Brett would be fine with this idea. And so, we popped in to Yukhi, ordered sushi to take out, and then ran an errand while the order was being readied.

Upon our return to the restaurant to pick up our food, we discovered that we didn't have enough time to go home and eat before having to go back out to pick up Conor from his dance. And the food was already bagged up, so we didn't really wanna ask them to set us up at a table to eat there either. So what did we do? We improvised. :) I said "Brett, do you wanna just eat in the car?" He was game, so we went out into the parking lot, I started up the car and got the heat going, turned on the car's dome light, and then joined Brett in the back seat.

Upon opening up the food bag, I discovered that they had only given us one set of chopsticks. So now what, do we go back inside and ask for another set? I decided not to, and instead, suggested to Brett that we share the chopsticks and take turns eating. He was more than happy to do so, and so this was how we dined. :) Brett and I, sitting in the back seat of my car, taking turns eating our rainbow rolls and sipping the miso soup that the restaurant had put in a styrofoam cup for us. At least three times Brett said to me "This is fun, Dad." I couldn't have been more tickled. :)

After finishing up our very enjoyable meal together - and one that was truly shared - we proceeded to Conor's school to pick him up from the dance. Brett and I were really in a great state of bonding as we waited together outside the school, anxiously waiting for Conor to appear as we shivered in the sub-freezing temperature of this early January night in Washingtonville. Conor had a soft joy on his face as he emerged through the school's doors, and as Brett and I swapped stories with Conor about our respective evenings, we all three carried this beautiful mood all the way to bed time.

With experiences like this, I'm reminded that it's the small things in life that really matter. And Friday, January 8, 2010 was a most precious example of this for me.

Viva la vida, my friends, and take joy in all the small things....

Our Eternal Friend

2009-10-24T14:38:00.011-04:00

It is almost impossible to describe the experience of a night with Leonard Cohen in mere words. But let me put a few out there for you, just to give you an idea......

Magical. Sublime. Epic. Enchanting. Transforming.

And these are just the 'tip-of-the-iceberg."

The show consisted of two sets, with a 20-minute intermission in between. Just prior to the intermission, he introduced each member of his band, but not mere introductions were they at all. With each of his colleagues, he brought them into our acquaintance via a poetic mini-story; a tribute in itself. This was the epitome of his grace.

Throughout the concert, he thanked us all - "his friends" - for making the night so special for him, and being a part of it all. He is a truly grateful man, and a spiritual friend to every person on Earth.

There were a succession of special moments throughout the night, but my very favorite one was at the end of the show, when he recited "A Thousand Kisses Deep" with almost no accompanying music (just a light, wavering keyboard tone was all there was). I put both my hands over my face and started to cry.

His live performance last night at Madison Square Garden touched the spirit of every man, woman and child, whether you were in the arena or not. Simple perfection is what Leonard Cohen is to me, and he was all of that last night and more.

Thank you, Leonard. You are an eternal treasure....

Painful Change

2009-10-17T18:14:00.015-04:00

There's a notable concept in the area of self-help that a wonderful friend of mine recently reminded me of. I had posted a Facebook status about me being "in some pretty uncomfortable territory at the moment," to which she commented "uncomfortable = growth."

Ah, this is so true, isn't it? It's virtually impossible to travel to a place of personal betterment without passing through a valley of discomfort. I know this not only from my own personal experiences, but also from seeing friends and family traverse this same painful path.

Change is difficult, there is no doubt. We all seem so programmed to just be comfortable with what is, even when it brings us pain. In an old Pink Floyd song called "Wish You Were Here" the writer asks the main subject of the song whether he had exchanged "cold comfort for change." Cold comfort. Wow. Such profound words. Because that's exactly where we can be left when we resist necessary change. In a state of cold comfort.

I've been thru a few periods of cold comfort in my own lifetime. Sometimes, it's simply been what we would call a rut, and in those cases, it was fairly easy to redirect myself and get back on a moving track. But lately, I have realized that I've been in a sustained period of cold comfort, and knew that it was time to for something dramatic. Dramatic, but courageous. And so it is that I sit here tonight, having taken a purposeful action that will hopefully end the drama I have been experiencing of late. And the cold comfort.

More and more, as my own self-awareness strengthens, I observe that just about everybody is walking around in this state of somnambulance, and is wishing that they could create change for themselves.

But they don't.

Why? Because change takes courage, and we don't always have the courage to cross the bridge to the unfamiliar (read "uncomfortable") territory that lies on the other side. Change as depicted by crossing a bridge. Yes.....

There are famous bridges all over the country, and also the world. But there is one that has recently taken on special meaning for me. It is a bridge in New York City's Central Park called the Gapstow Bridge, but it is more familiarly called the "Love Bridge." Apparently there have been many marriage proposals made on this bridge, leading to its informal moniker. But as I look at this particular bridge, I see it in higher terms, and as a metaphor for so much more. The bridge represents a dividing line between what is and what can be, if one has the courage to put their foot on the bridge and take the first step.

I am a runner, as many of you know, and in running long races like marathons, there is a saying that goes something like "Courage is not what it takes to finish the race. Courage is what it takes to step up to the starting line."

I have just stepped up to that starting line, folks. Please wish me luck, and in return, I will send you back lots and lots of love and rewards. <3

The Only Living Boy In New York

2009-10-01T23:40:00.005-04:00

There was a very specific day about three years ago when I remember walking around the city streets and being struck by the theme of an old Simon & Garfunkel song. I felt like the only living boy in NY.

Most days I just meld right into all that is going on around me, but on this day I felt ominously removed from it all. There was darkness in the time-space miasma, and the people I passed as I walked along the sidewalk all looked lifeless. No joy of life, no spirit, no nothing. I don't know if it was that they had no life in them, or if I was somehow removed from the situation in such a way as to sense lifelessness in what was around me. But I felt both alone and emancipated at one time. Suddenly I was in a moment where no physical laws applied. Where nothing made sense. 3 plus 3 did not equal 6 in this moment. I was in what felt like great despair, but I was totally free at the same time.

The city is an interesting place. It draws the masses to it like moths to a flame, but the only thing that it offers is financial prosperity. The rest is just a big tease, like a hooker on the corner of 27th and 9th, waving a scarf at passing cars. If I were a religious sort, I might equate this place to the devil, and call the Lincoln Tunnel and the Brooklyn Bridge the mighty Archangels Lucifer and Uriel. There is no purity of spirit here in these concrete canyons. It is complete selfishness and contempt. There is no place where one can find sanctuary, or a sufficient path to self-discovery or self-fulfillment. The island of thieves has captured the souls of so many unsuspecting.

Have any one of them been struck by the realization that this place today is mine, and mine alone? I wonder....

On this day, I was the only living boy in NY. I was scared as hell, but it felt so good.

The smile says it all

2009-09-17T13:57:00.000-04:00

One of life's eternal questions, and one that is usually put to us rather than being one that we routinely ask of others, is "Are you happy?" Naturally we all are inclined to answer 'yes' when asked this question. Because it's what we want - to be happy. So even if we're not truly happy, even if the undercurrent in our soul is one of unhappiness, we almost always tell others that we are....

So how do we know if we're truly the happy person that we're so reflexively inclined to tell others that we are? Well, that's a hard one. There are many books dedicated to this form of self-evaluation, and many a professional analyst who makes a fairly comfortable living from working with people to help them find happiness. The reason that there is so much discussion about happiness is because, like so many other things in this world, it is not a black and white subject. What makes one person happy might do just the opposite for the next person. And happiness is gauged upon many interrelated behaviors and responses to external input. A complex animal, this happiness thing.

So with finding happiness not being a simple thing, it is even harder for one to determine whether they are happy or not. Or is it?

While walking down the street toward my office this morning, I smiled at a tall, 50-something woman with scragly hair who was passing by me going in the other direction. She made eye contact with me, but she didn't smile back. But it was no matter whether she did or she didnt - it was this interaction that brought something important to mind for me. It's so very simple. When we're happy, we smile. :) It's a natural physical reaction to an underlying emotional state, and perhaps the perfect barometer to what's going on inside us.

I've been told by many people that I smile a lot. I like that. It means that I am putting out a picture of happiness, and also that I don't have to constantly question myself about whether I'm truly happy or not. I'll know that if I stop smiling, and people tell me so, that I'll have some self-evaluation to do. But as long as I can look in the mirror and see myself smile, I'll know that my soul is in good care. At the moment, it is. :) I hope yours is too..... :) :)

Sunsets Are Sometimes Even Sweeter Than They Look

2009-09-11T09:22:00.000-04:00

A beautiful sunset is almost always something to behold, with the most glorious aspect of a sunset being that no two are quite exactly alike. They may have similar features - the same variety of ripple in the clouds highlighted by the sun's final rays of the day, or the same shade of orange or pink that coats the underside of the cloud formation. But just like the snowflake and the human fingerprint, each presents itself as a picture of uniqueness. And each is perfectly complete in its natural, artistic beauty.

Last night's sunset, although not any more beautiful than scores of others that I've had the pleasure of witnessing over the years, was special. My day didn't start off on a very 'up' note, and in fact, it went further downward from there. My mood wavered throughout the day from glum to frustrated to sad to angry, to an ultimate feeling of emptiness. My Facebook Link and Status postings of the prior 24 hours mirrored the flutter of emotions taking place within me. Anyway, by the end of yesterday's workday, I was emotionally exhausted, and on the train ride home, I uncharacteristially fell asleep. Luckily, I was riding with some friends who were kind enough to prevent me from sleeping through my destination stop, an outcome that would have been a fit ending to an inglorious day.

Falling asleep on the train is usually a red flag for me, telling me that it's time I had better wake up, hit the reset button, and get a fresh start. I had this thought in mind as I deboarded the train, traipsed from the platform to my car, and began what I thought would be a neverending 6-mile drive home. But as I made my turn westward about 4 miles from my apartment, I was greeted with this simple, yet amazing sunset. And as I said, it was no more special than any sunset that I had ever seen before, except in one sense: It was perfectly placed at the tail end of an emotional day, and it immediately lifted my mood to one of great peace and tranquility. It was the unwitting remedy to what ailed me.

Sometimes, a beautiful sunset is more than just that, but only if we have the consciousness to see it for what it is...........

"Our" Running

2009-09-09T08:00:00.001-04:00

“I'm going out for my run now.” If you live with a runner, you've no doubt heard this, or some similar sort of utterance, many times over.

My run.

As if it's a possession. Yes, there is a direct association that we, as runners, tend to make about this seemingly absurd pastime with which we are constantly exhausting ourselves.

I'm always taken by the way we think of our running, and that it seems to belong to us. “I have to do my run before we go to dinner. ” With my being the operative word. And we even take the possessiveness further with training and racing terms like “my per mile pace” or “my splits” or even “my PR.”

Indeed, we make these kinds of possessive relationships with all sorts of things in our lives. But for the most part, it is with people and things. “Hey, that's my car you're sitting on!” or “My little Jeffrey is such a good student.” “My living room needs painting." “My town has only one traffic light.” and “My phone can send email in six different languages!”

People.
Places.
Things.

But what about running? It isn't something tangible that you can touch, or carry around in your pocket, or visit, or even see for that matter. It's not like that at all. So what is it then?

I'll tell you what it is. This simple act of locomotion - of moving your arms and legs, of pumping air in and out of your lungs, of feeling the breeze move past your face in the glory of the great outdoors - is something that you can feel.

You may not be able to touch your running, but it touches you in so many ways.

It touches your senses, and sometimes in very profound and unique ways. It touches virtually all of the muscles and organs in your body, bringing experiences that draw the mind into oneness with your physical self.

It contributes to your senses of strength, discipline, and personal character. It touches all of these things, and many more….

And why does running do all this? Because running is real. And once you understand that, running does become yours. It belongs to you because you belong to it. It's a symbiotic relationship of the healthiest kind, and one that would most of the time be almost foolish to forsake.

No, your running will never send a rocket ship to Mars. It will also never cure Alzheimer's Disease, nor will it stop war between nations. And just like the body that makes it possible to run in the first place, your running will not live forever.

But the running is still yours. It's personal, it's very real, and for many of us, it may be our most treasured possession. Take care of your running. Treat it with the respect it deserves, and it will go on giving you its power for a lifetime.

Lifetime Blog Achievement Award Acceptance Speech

2009-09-05T12:45:00.003-04:00

Below is another entry that I had submitted to a Blog Idol contest on Myspace back in early 2007. Our assignment in this round was to write an acceptance speech for a Lifetime Achievement Award that we would deliver at the Blog Academy Awards.

Enjoy!

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Good evening fellow bloggers. Yes, that's right, fellow bloggers. I say that because at heart, we all are. We all have a story to tell, or an opinion that is just screaming to find its way out of our innards and into the land of bits and bytes affectionately known as the blogosphere.

On this very momentous occasion, it would be the blogger's temptation to try and entertain his or her audience. But in the interest of preserving the sanctity of this event, I'll refrain from doing so here. But if my speech should become a bore, and perhaps it will, a Myspace "Home" button has been conveniently provided for you on each of your seat backs. Simply click "home" and you'll find yourself in the kitchy company of Myspace Tom, and you will be free to move about the blog community once again.

So, I will start tonight by first thanking you all for being alive. From the bottom of my Czuch Republic-tenderized heart, I thank you for that. No, it's no joke, for you see, without your collective masses of eyes and ears, there is no blogger. Blogging is a symbiosis between reader and writer. It is a co-dependent relationship of the worst kind. And without the reader half, what is there really? I mean, if a blog falls on the internet, and nobody reads it, does that mean that Tom is your only Friend?

I would also like to thank you more specifically for your roving eyes, and for your keen sense of what's true and good in a blog. Readers, as I just mentioned, are the lifeblood of a good blogger. The relationships that are created between blogger and commenter help to sculpt and mold the blogger's subject matter and delivery. This perpetuates the career of the dedicated and prolific blogger, and can conversely demolish the career of the unseasoned or casual one. Comments and kudos are what we all crave. The instant gratification that life often fails to bring us can be acquired through the creation and delivery of a top-notch blog effort. We love our comments, and are often under a sense of obligation to comment on the comment, almost doubling the comment count in the process. And then there are the kudos….

Kudos kudos kudos. So many a tear has been shed over this subject. So much misery, despair and outright pain. Ouch! But what are kudos, really? Or is the right question 'What is kudos?' Can kudos be quantified?

If so, they should be swappable, like money or scrip. The guy at the pawn shop could use them every day. "I'll give you 200 kudos for that watch, mister." Kudos, whatever it is/they are, give a false sense of security to the blogger-at-large. They are handed out by commenters as if every blog is entitled to them. I'll be dedicating the final years of my blogging to many areas, one of which will be Kudos Reform. Unfortunately, the divided Blog Congress will make it difficult to pass such reform, but let us not let that stop the effort !!

Looking back on my early years, one could say that my less than fortunate upbringing made my rise to blog fame (or infamy, if you prefer) all the more unlikely. Many forces were working against me…

First there was the tragedy that befell me at the hospital on the day my mother gave birth to me. I was mistaken for a girl by the pediatrician (more on my genitalia problems later) and dressed in pink on my first day of life. This was the beginning of my life-long gender confusion, which continues to this day (should I wear the spike-heeled pumps or my spiffy wingtips today?)

Then there was the extreme destitution we suffered as a family. We were so poor that we couldn't afford books, so the 'bedtime stories' my mother read to us were typically off of toothpaste tubes, cereal boxes, junk mail, and even from banana peel labels (consequently, I mastered the word "Dole" at a very young age).

And there was also the tragic farm accident as a teen. A cyclonic ride in a hay baler ended with the partial loss of my left thumb. This now causes me to misstheSpacekeymanytimesandcreatesmuchdifficulty in myeverydayblog writing.

Despite these setbacks, I found my way to the internet in 2003; years behind my peers, but ready to learn the tricks of the trade, and to do whatever it took to make it to the big time. When I ultimately got to Bloggywood, what I found there was a great many impediments to success. It started to look like the only way to get to the top would be to "sleep" my way there ! And so began a sordid period of life when I blogged exclusively of the slut variety. Typical lurid language of that time included "if you give me kudos I will give you a good time ;)" and "comment me, bitches!"

But in the end, after some learning and maturing, I discovered that there was another way. I found that the application of high moral and intellectual standards in a daily blog would not only attract many readers, but readers of the highest caliber. Over time, a strong society of "TeeJayers" was built, and comments and kudos became the rule rather than the exception. Invitations to speak at blog conferences began streaming into my Inbox on a regular basis, and in time, my Display Name became branded. There is even talk now of a virtual theme park - TeeJay World. The thought of it makes my family beam with pride, and I have nobody but all of you to thank for this.

And so goes my story. But know that this is not the end – it is still, just the beginning…

So tonight, as I stand before you all, I consider myself [self] [self] [self], the luckiest man [man] [man] [man] on the face of the web [web] [web] [web]. If not for the aegis of the Blog Academy and the support of all of you, the readers, I might be just an ordinary Tom, living in an ordinary world of ordinary blogs.

And where would we all be without Myspace? The HORROR!

Thank you all…

The Way Things Are

2009-09-05T12:27:00.000-04:00

A poem about love...

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What is it that brings

Us together in such a way as this?

It is a desire for happiness.

It is the need to pursue

A new path.

It is those things,

But it is so much more…..

It is experiences yet unhad.

It is freedoms that

Have never existed before.

It is a feeling of ecstacy,

Of desire, of dreams.

It's a oneness whose heart beats strong

A oneness with no boundaries,

That can expand infinitely,

Yet can be tended to, and nurtured

As if it is all right here,

In front of our eyes.

We can touch it, smell it, taste it.

And we know it feels right.

I am here,

And yet, I am invisible.

I am nothing,

Yet I am all things that have

Ever been before.

And I am also everything

That is yet to come.

I am here, and so are you.

I am yours,

You are mine,

We are ours.

We are now,

And we always will be.

Even if rain falls

And makes us feel as though

We are drowning in vast

Pools of water.

The world is but for us

Both to discover together.

It is a world where

"Somewhere warm and breezy"

Will always be

Just an embrace away….

"You cannot hurt me...."

2009-09-05T11:20:00.000-04:00

I have a downstairs neighbor who has had it in for me since the moment I moved in. I have never done anything mean, or willfully intending to harm her or cause her misery, and yet she insists that I am constantly doing just that.

Over the time I have lived here, she has called the local police on me several times complaining about noise. One of those times, the police knocked on my door while I was in bed. Imagine me coming to the door to greet the police at 10:40pm in my jammy pants, and they telling me that they were responding to a complaint about a loud banging noise. Yes folks, I was doing late night carpentry just before I went to bed, but abruptly stopped and ran into the bedroom as soon as I saw the squad car out in front of the building. Are you effing kidding me!!!

Anyway, my life in the proximity of this miserable person has gone on too long. It has been toxic from the beginning, but my skin is thick, so I have managed for a long time. It won't be much longer though. I need quality of life, and I simply don't have it under these circumstances.

The latest episode:
I got up late this morning, and had to hurry to get out the door and over to the place where I meet my friends for our weekend run. In a rush, I ran to my car, passing this woman along the way as she was walking her dogs (and not saying a word to her, mind you). I jumped in my car quickly, turned the ignition, and started to back out of the parking spot I was in. Almost instantly I heard a violent scream "Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, HEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Despite seeing that I was in a hurry and would probably be pulling out quickly, this lovely person had taken her dogs directly behind my car and was just lolling along in her usual slo-mo pace (she is an immense woman, so can only go so fast). Seeing and hearing her, I quickly stopped, only to be met with further venom from her: "What the hell do you think you're doing, you ASSHOLE!!"

Yes, I am an asshole.

I was obviously trying to kill her, and thank heaven that this wonderful lady had gotten the asshole to keep from purposely running her over.

In most moments like that, I would feel bad for having been a bit careless. But in this case, I didnt feel bad, because she verbally attacked me. There was no compassion in her at all.
I guess I took it for granted that she would have realized that I was in a hurry (after all, I was running past her to my car) and would have ceded to me in my trying to back out. But no. Being the righteous and wonderful person that she is, it seems that she must have purposely (or mindlessly) brought her dogs directly behind me at just the right moment.

I am an asshole indeed.

And Bill Maher is a staunch conservative. And lions are herbivores. And Elvis is a vampire.

But no matter what she does, she cannot hurt me. Because her words and her actions are not about me, they are about her.

And I therefore do not take them personally.

Don Miguel Ruiz has taught me this, and I will abide by it forever.

What is cool?

2009-09-05T11:01:00.000-04:00

I was looking back at some old Myspace blogs from 2-3 years ago, and here was one I thought deserved a re-post here on Blogger. The original post was from September 27, 2007.

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I had a convo with my sons Conor (age 9) and Brett (age 7) a few weeks ago about what it means to be cool. They are getting to that age where the concept of social acceptance is starting to become known to them. Anyway, that conversation was brought back to mind today by an exchange I had with my friend Sarah, who was telling me how she'd seen some old high school acquaintances at her gig last night. She described these people to me as the "cool macho" types. Or at least that's how they were pegged in their H.S. daze, right?

So this made me think all over again: What does it really mean to be cool? In our youthful times, it is a pretty subjective thing, and depends a lot on the time and place you are at. Math Club kids are NOT cool in the eyes of the Freaks and Jocks of high school. Jocks are primarily not cool in the eyes of the Freaks. And so on and so forth....

As we grow into adulthood, the concept of "cool" changes quite a bit. Pressure to act in a certain way in order to be socially accepted is replaced by the rigors of making a living and chasing the American dream.

So at this point in life, what is cool? It is complex for sure, and we could fill many weekends with open forum discussions in backyards and around kitchen tables. But in my mind, I think you can boil it down to a few basic things:

1) You truly live by the Golden Rule; you treat all people with love and respect, and you DO NOT judge

2) You have a fairly open mind to new things and experiences; in other words, there is almost nothing that you consider above you or beneath you

3) You always act true to yourself, and don't behave in any way that is for the sake of others

So I say, anybody who acts in these ways is about as cool as you can get.

But all of this is, of course, just my own opinion. I would welcome comments from all of you who care to share your opinions on what it means to be cool.

Discuss......

Dear Sir: Your condom sux!

2009-09-03T23:33:00.001-04:00

For all who may be interested to read a bit of pulp fiction, here is a piece from about two and a half years ago that I wrote for a Mypace "Blog Idol" competition.

Our writing assignment for this round of the competition was to write a complaint letter to a service provider or product manufacturer. My entry is below:

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2-16-07 Dear Sir: Your condom sux!

February 16, 2007
Church & Dwight, Inc
469 North Harrison St
Princeton, MA 08543
Att: Consumer Affairs Dept

Re: Trojan condom product

Dear Sir / "Madame":

This letter is to lodge a formal complaint about your product Trojan-Enz Lubricated condom, which I used on Saturday, June 10, 2006 at approximately 10:45pm.

Your packaging advises to use the product "as directed," and I can certainly say that I did do that. My romantic partner will attest to the fact that I was using the condom for the intended purpose, and with proper care for its delicate nature. However, my appropriate actions could not prevent what I will heretofore refer to as the "catastrophic failure" that ensued.

Yes, that's right, in the course of its use, as directed, a catastrophic failure of epic proportions occurred. That failure has now cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars. Let me further elaborate, and in three parts:

The Fallout
Your product's catastrophic failure resulted in an unwanted pregnancy with my mistress. Despite my sex partner's "loose" nature, her strong religious ideals did not allow her to abort this illegitimate pregnancy. In one month she will give birth to a baby boy, and with no job, or job prospects, she has threatened to thrust the bastard child upon me. Although I expect the child to be immensely attractive, like myself, I had no intentions of becoming a full-time father at this time.

The Damages
With the prospect of raising this child from birth to adulthood lying ahead for me, the realized costs will be daunting to say the least. According to USDA statistics from 2004, the cost of raising a child from birth to age 17 is $269,400. Adjusting that figure for inflation, the cost has now grown to $294,380.
Present costs for 4 years of college at a public institution in New York run to $16,900/yr. Adjusting that figure for inflation to the time my child enters college calculates to $40,670/yr, or $162,680 total.
Further, the catastrophic failure has brought my otherwise happy marriage to a screeching halt. Total costs for my own divorce proceedings estimate to $14,320 (based on 2005 statistical average for divorces).

The Restitution
Since it was your faulty product and its catastrophic failure that has brought all this financial misery upon me, I demand that Engulf & Devour, er um, Church & Dwight take the steps necessary to make me financially whole. I therefore insist upon immediate financial restitution in the amount of $ 471,380. Since many children (especially gifted ones, like mine will surely be) cost much more than this to bring to full adult matriculation, taking into account private schooling, nannies, music lessons, special needs, etc., I am sure that your legal staff will concur that this amount is more than fair, and will agree to authorize immediate release of funds in accordance with this request.

The Satisfaction Guarantee on your packaging states that you will happily refund me if I return the unused portion of the product. Surmising that you have no use for the "unused" portion (GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!), I am sure that you will see my solution as a better one for both parties.

Thank you for your time, and I anxiously await my check in the aforementioned amount.

Yours sincerely,
Toomas Jeffington
567 Virginia St
Monroe, NY 10950
Cc: Georges Washingstone, Esq