99 Years

I attended a wake last evening, and although I have been to many in my 48 years, this one was a bit different than most. The woman who had died had lived to the age of 99. This in itself didn’t strike me in any particular way, as more and more people these days are living into their 90s, and even beyond. What it was that struck me was in reading the year of her birth on the laminated card that the funeral home had created to commemorate her. It stated that she was born in 1911.

1911. Think about that for a moment.

What was the world like in 1911, and during her early years growing up? She was a child in the 1910s and early 1920s. When I paused for a moment to consider that, I was almost startled by the thought. How much the world had changed in just her lifetime. Wow!

During her early childhood…

….the earliest automobile (known then as the ‘motor buggy’ or ‘motor carriage’) was in its heyday, being manufactured by as many as 75 makers. The Ford Model T was the primary vehicle of this nature being sold in the United States. At this time, roads were not paved, and although some streets were cobblestone or brick, the majority were still dirt.

…the Titanic made its maiden (and fateful) voyage.

…the telephone, although invented in 1879, was still in the process of development for broad use, and was not available to most homes. Mark Twain is said to be one of the first Americans to have his own private telephone.

…the average life span in the United States was about 54 (versus about 77 years today).

…penicillin and other antibiotics did not exist. Also, one of the worst flu pandemics in modern times occurred (1918), taking over 50 million lives worldwide. It lasted three years, and spread to every continent on Earth, even the Arctic and remote Pacific Islands.

…the following medical remedies were common (many of these will make you laugh):

• Earache: blow pipe smoke in the ear

• Draw out infection: turpentine alone or turpentine, sugar, salt pork and soap as a poultice

• Blood poisoning: Potash of Mercury dissolved in water

• Insect sting: apply chewing tobacco, mud, sliced onion and bluing

• Pneumonia: apply a mustard plaster

• Croup: 1-2 drops of kerosene on a tsp. of sugar

• Deep cuts (to stop bleeding): pack flour into the cut

• Diaper rash: burnt flour or cornstarch

• Coughs: whiskey, lemon, and honey

• Sunburn: wring out a cloth in strong tea, vinegar or canned milk; put cloth on skin; or a paste of cornstarch & water

• Toothache: hold vinegar on tooth

• Arthritis: bind potato slices on both sides of affected joint; wear a copper bracelet

• Chronic nosebleed: wear necklace made of lead

• Gallstones: fast for 24 hours; then eat a quart of tomatoes; four hours later, eat a lemon; wait one hour and take a big dose of Epson’s Salts

…the advent of the television was still over 30 years away. The father of television, Milton Berle, was only a child himself (having been born in 1908).

….American Indians were not considered citizens of the United States. It wasn’t until 1924 that they would be granted this designation by way of the 14^th Amendment to the Constitution.

…commercial transportation was still very limited - only the railroad could carry goods over long distances – so most food was grown and eaten locally. It was also 100% organic.

…Elvis Presley, who died over 33 years ago, was not even born until she was 24 years old.

…airplanes were being used for the very first time. The Wright Brothers famous first flight preceded her by a mere 8 years, and she was 16 when Charles Lindbergh made the first solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean.

…the personal computer as we know it today was still 60 years away. Hewlett-Packard would not introduce the first ‘desktop’ computer until the 1970s.

….women were, for the very first time, given the right to vote in public elections.

…radio first began coming into existence. 1912 marked the year that stations required licensing before being allowed to broadcast. The radio was one of the most popular forms of family entertainment. “AM” radio was the only kind of radio in existence at this time.

…the top film stars in Hollywood were Theda Bara, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, Charlie Chaplin and Clara Bow. You could go watch a movie at the local Nickelodeon for $0.25. In 1907, just a few years before she was born, you could see a movie for about $0.05 (thus the name ‘Nickelodeon).

…the population of the United States was about 92 million. Today, there are about 308 million people. The world map showed such countries as Abyssinia, Austria-Hungary, Formosa, German East Africa, and Upper Volta. The most populous ‘nation’ in the world at the time was the British Empire, standing at approximately 400 million.

It’s amazing how swiftly the world can change in the span of just one person’s lifetime. What year were you born in, and how much has changed since then? And how much will it change during the lifetime of our children? The thought of it is almost incomprehensible.

All The Small Things

It's been a while since I've posted - I guess "life" has been occupying me a lot lately and not affording me the time I might otherwise use to log my thoughts and philosophies here. But I had an experience last night that compelled me to sit down at the computer this morning and express some things that were happily dancing around in my head.

As a separatee (and probably soon to be divorcee), I live apart from my wife and children - I have two boys, ages 11 and 9. I have them with me for visitation every other weekend, with this being one of those weekends. I look forward to these visits with such anticipation. :)

On a normal Friday night with the boys, I would pick them up from their mom, then swing by the local pizza restaurant (called Bella Luna - I love that name, btw) and get a delicious pizza pie to take out and then eat while winding down in front of some T.V. at my apartment. But last night, my dear Conor boy had his first ever school dance. He is a sixth grader, and although I remember having my first "crush" on a girl when I was in 6th grade, Conor has confessed to me that he doesn't yet like girls. And so, I imagined the dance to be, well, not anything more than just hanging out with all of his friends, hearing some great music, and doing a bit of jumping around every now and then. And in speaking to him when I picked him up afterward, it turned out that that was more or less what it was. Still, it was delightful to see Conor "growing up" in this fashion. :)

But the most beautiful part of the night came with my other son Brett. While Conor was at his dance, Brett and I had some time to ourselves, so instead of the customary pizza, I suggested sushi at the local Japanese restaurant. Brett and Conor both love sushi, so I knew that Brett would be fine with this idea. And so, we popped in to Yukhi, ordered sushi to take out, and then ran an errand while the order was being readied.

Upon our return to the restaurant to pick up our food, we discovered that we didn't have enough time to go home and eat before having to go back out to pick up Conor from his dance. And the food was already bagged up, so we didn't really wanna ask them to set us up at a table to eat there either. So what did we do? We improvised. :) I said "Brett, do you wanna just eat in the car?" He was game, so we went out into the parking lot, I started up the car and got the heat going, turned on the car's dome light, and then joined Brett in the back seat.

Upon opening up the food bag, I discovered that they had only given us one set of chopsticks. So now what, do we go back inside and ask for another set? I decided not to, and instead, suggested to Brett that we share the chopsticks and take turns eating. He was more than happy to do so, and so this was how we dined. :) Brett and I, sitting in the back seat of my car, taking turns eating our rainbow rolls and sipping the miso soup that the restaurant had put in a styrofoam cup for us. At least three times Brett said to me "This is fun, Dad." I couldn't have been more tickled. :)

After finishing up our very enjoyable meal together - and one that was truly shared - we proceeded to Conor's school to pick him up from the dance. Brett and I were really in a great state of bonding as we waited together outside the school, anxiously waiting for Conor to appear as we shivered in the sub-freezing temperature of this early January night in Washingtonville. Conor had a soft joy on his face as he emerged through the school's doors, and as Brett and I swapped stories with Conor about our respective evenings, we all three carried this beautiful mood all the way to bed time.

With experiences like this, I'm reminded that it's the small things in life that really matter. And Friday, January 8, 2010 was a most precious example of this for me.

Viva la vida, my friends, and take joy in all the small things....

Our Eternal Friend

It is almost impossible to describe the experience of a night with Leonard Cohen in mere words. But let me put a few out there for you, just to give you an idea......

Magical. Sublime. Epic. Enchanting. Transforming.


And these are just the 'tip-of-the-iceberg."

The show consisted of two sets, with a 20-minute intermission in between. Just prior to the intermission, he introduced each member of his band, but not mere introductions were they at all. With each of his colleagues, he brought them into our acquaintance via a poetic mini-story; a tribute in itself. This was the epitome of his grace.

Throughout the concert, he thanked us all - "his friends" - for making the night so special for him, and being a part of it all. He is a truly grateful man, and a spiritual friend to every person on Earth.


There were a succession of special moments throughout the night, but my very favorite one was at the end of the show, when he recited "A Thousand Kisses Deep" with almost no accompanying music (just a light, wavering keyboard tone was all there was). I put both my hands over my face and started to cry.

His live performance last night at Madison Square Garden touched the spirit of every man, woman and child, whether you were in the arena or not. Simple perfection is what Leonard Cohen is to me, and he was all of that last night and more.

Thank you, Leonard. You are an eternal treasure....

Painful Change

There's a notable concept in the area of self-help that a wonderful friend of mine recently reminded me of. I had posted a Facebook status about me being "in some pretty uncomfortable territory at the moment," to which she commented "uncomfortable = growth."

Ah, this is so true, isn't it? It's virtually impossible to travel to a place of personal betterment without passing through a valley of discomfort. I know this not only from my own personal experiences, but also from seeing friends and family traverse this same painful path.


Change is difficult, there is no doubt. We all seem so programmed to just be comfortable with what is, even when it brings us pain. In an old Pink Floyd song called "Wish You Were Here" the writer asks the main subject of the song whether he had exchanged "cold comfort for change." Cold comfort. Wow. Such profound words. Because that's exactly where we can be left when we resist necessary change. In a state of cold comfort.

I've been thru a few periods of cold comfort in my own lifetime. Sometimes, it's simply been what we would call a rut, and in those cases, it was fairly easy to redirect myself and get back on a moving track. But lately, I have realized that I've been in a sustained period of cold comfort, and knew that it was time to for something dramatic. Dramatic, but courageous. And so it is that I sit here tonight, having taken a purposeful action that will hopefully end the drama I have been experiencing of late. And the cold comfort.


More and more, as my own self-awareness strengthens, I observe that just about everybody is walking around in this state of somnambulance, and is wishing that they could create change for themselves.

But they don't.


Why? Because change takes courage, and we don't always have the courage to cross the bridge to the unfamiliar (read "uncomfortable") territory that lies on the other side. Change as depicted by crossing a bridge. Yes.....


There are famous bridges all over the country, and also the world. But there is one that has recently taken on special meaning for me. It is a bridge in New York City's Central Park called the Gapstow Bridge, but it is more familiarly called the "Love Bridge." Apparently there have been many marriage proposals made on this bridge, leading to its informal moniker. But as I look at this particular bridge, I see it in higher terms, and as a metaphor for so much more. The bridge represents a dividing line between what is and what can be, if one has the courage to put their foot on the bridge and take the first step.

I am a runner, as many of you know, and in running long races like marathons, there is a saying that goes something like "Courage is not what it takes to finish the race. Courage is what it takes to step up to the starting line."

I have just stepped up to that starting line, folks. Please wish me luck, and in return, I will send you back lots and lots of love and rewards. <3

The Only Living Boy In New York

There was a very specific day about three years ago when I remember walking around the city streets and being struck by the theme of an old Simon & Garfunkel song. I felt like the only living boy in NY.

Most days I just meld right into all that is going on around me, but on this day I felt ominously removed from it all. There was darkness in the time-space miasma, and the people I passed as I walked along the sidewalk all looked lifeless. No joy of life, no spirit, no nothing. I don't know if it was that they had no life in them, or if I was somehow removed from the situation in such a way as to sense lifelessness in what was around me. But I felt both alone and emancipated at one time. Suddenly I was in a moment where no physical laws applied. Where nothing made sense. 3 plus 3 did not equal 6 in this moment. I was in what felt like great despair, but I was totally free at the same time.

The city is an interesting place. It draws the masses to it like moths to a flame, but the only thing that it offers is financial prosperity. The rest is just a big tease, like a hooker on the corner of 27th and 9th, waving a scarf at passing cars. If I were a religious sort, I might equate this place to the devil, and call the Lincoln Tunnel and the Brooklyn Bridge the mighty Archangels Lucifer and Uriel. There is no purity of spirit here in these concrete canyons. It is complete selfishness and contempt. There is no place where one can find sanctuary, or a sufficient path to self-discovery or self-fulfillment. The island of thieves has captured the souls of so many unsuspecting.

Have any one of them been struck by the realization that this place today is mine, and mine alone? I wonder....

On this day, I was the only living boy in NY. I was scared as hell, but it felt so good.

The smile says it all

One of life's eternal questions, and one that is usually put to us rather than being one that we routinely ask of others, is "Are you happy?" Naturally we all are inclined to answer 'yes' when asked this question. Because it's what we want - to be happy. So even if we're not truly happy, even if the undercurrent in our soul is one of unhappiness, we almost always tell others that we are....

So how do we know if we're truly the happy person that we're so reflexively inclined to tell others that we are? Well, that's a hard one. There are many books dedicated to this form of self-evaluation, and many a professional analyst who makes a fairly comfortable living from working with people to help them find happiness. The reason that there is so much discussion about happiness is because, like so many other things in this world, it is not a black and white subject. What makes one person happy might do just the opposite for the next person. And happiness is gauged upon many interrelated behaviors and responses to external input. A complex animal, this happiness thing.

So with finding happiness not being a simple thing, it is even harder for one to determine whether they are happy or not. Or is it?

While walking down the street toward my office this morning, I smiled at a tall, 50-something woman with scragly hair who was passing by me going in the other direction. She made eye contact with me, but she didn't smile back. But it was no matter whether she did or she didnt - it was this interaction that brought something important to mind for me. It's so very simple. When we're happy, we smile. :) It's a natural physical reaction to an underlying emotional state, and perhaps the perfect barometer to what's going on inside us.

I've been told by many people that I smile a lot. I like that. It means that I am putting out a picture of happiness, and also that I don't have to constantly question myself about whether I'm truly happy or not. I'll know that if I stop smiling, and people tell me so, that I'll have some self-evaluation to do. But as long as I can look in the mirror and see myself smile, I'll know that my soul is in good care. At the moment, it is. :) I hope yours is too..... :) :)

Sunsets Are Sometimes Even Sweeter Than They Look

A beautiful sunset is almost always something to behold, with the most glorious aspect of a sunset being that no two are quite exactly alike. They may have similar features - the same variety of ripple in the clouds highlighted by the sun's final rays of the day, or the same shade of orange or pink that coats the underside of the cloud formation. But just like the snowflake and the human fingerprint, each presents itself as a picture of uniqueness. And each is perfectly complete in its natural, artistic beauty.

Last night's sunset, although not any more beautiful than scores of others that I've had the pleasure of witnessing over the years, was special. My day didn't start off on a very 'up' note, and in fact, it went further downward from there. My mood wavered throughout the day from glum to frustrated to sad to angry, to an ultimate feeling of emptiness. My Facebook Link and Status postings of the prior 24 hours mirrored the flutter of emotions taking place within me. Anyway, by the end of yesterday's workday, I was emotionally exhausted, and on the train ride home, I uncharacteristially fell asleep. Luckily, I was riding with some friends who were kind enough to prevent me from sleeping through my destination stop, an outcome that would have been a fit ending to an inglorious day.

Falling asleep on the train is usually a red flag for me, telling me that it's time I had better wake up, hit the reset button, and get a fresh start. I had this thought in mind as I deboarded the train, traipsed from the platform to my car, and began what I thought would be a neverending 6-mile drive home. But as I made my turn westward about 4 miles from my apartment, I was greeted with this simple, yet amazing sunset. And as I said, it was no more special than any sunset that I had ever seen before, except in one sense: It was perfectly placed at the tail end of an emotional day, and it immediately lifted my mood to one of great peace and tranquility. It was the unwitting remedy to what ailed me.

Sometimes, a beautiful sunset is more than just that, but only if we have the consciousness to see it for what it is...........