The smile says it all

One of life's eternal questions, and one that is usually put to us rather than being one that we routinely ask of others, is "Are you happy?" Naturally we all are inclined to answer 'yes' when asked this question. Because it's what we want - to be happy. So even if we're not truly happy, even if the undercurrent in our soul is one of unhappiness, we almost always tell others that we are....

So how do we know if we're truly the happy person that we're so reflexively inclined to tell others that we are? Well, that's a hard one. There are many books dedicated to this form of self-evaluation, and many a professional analyst who makes a fairly comfortable living from working with people to help them find happiness. The reason that there is so much discussion about happiness is because, like so many other things in this world, it is not a black and white subject. What makes one person happy might do just the opposite for the next person. And happiness is gauged upon many interrelated behaviors and responses to external input. A complex animal, this happiness thing.

So with finding happiness not being a simple thing, it is even harder for one to determine whether they are happy or not. Or is it?

While walking down the street toward my office this morning, I smiled at a tall, 50-something woman with scragly hair who was passing by me going in the other direction. She made eye contact with me, but she didn't smile back. But it was no matter whether she did or she didnt - it was this interaction that brought something important to mind for me. It's so very simple. When we're happy, we smile. :) It's a natural physical reaction to an underlying emotional state, and perhaps the perfect barometer to what's going on inside us.

I've been told by many people that I smile a lot. I like that. It means that I am putting out a picture of happiness, and also that I don't have to constantly question myself about whether I'm truly happy or not. I'll know that if I stop smiling, and people tell me so, that I'll have some self-evaluation to do. But as long as I can look in the mirror and see myself smile, I'll know that my soul is in good care. At the moment, it is. :) I hope yours is too..... :) :)

Sunsets Are Sometimes Even Sweeter Than They Look

A beautiful sunset is almost always something to behold, with the most glorious aspect of a sunset being that no two are quite exactly alike. They may have similar features - the same variety of ripple in the clouds highlighted by the sun's final rays of the day, or the same shade of orange or pink that coats the underside of the cloud formation. But just like the snowflake and the human fingerprint, each presents itself as a picture of uniqueness. And each is perfectly complete in its natural, artistic beauty.

Last night's sunset, although not any more beautiful than scores of others that I've had the pleasure of witnessing over the years, was special. My day didn't start off on a very 'up' note, and in fact, it went further downward from there. My mood wavered throughout the day from glum to frustrated to sad to angry, to an ultimate feeling of emptiness. My Facebook Link and Status postings of the prior 24 hours mirrored the flutter of emotions taking place within me. Anyway, by the end of yesterday's workday, I was emotionally exhausted, and on the train ride home, I uncharacteristially fell asleep. Luckily, I was riding with some friends who were kind enough to prevent me from sleeping through my destination stop, an outcome that would have been a fit ending to an inglorious day.

Falling asleep on the train is usually a red flag for me, telling me that it's time I had better wake up, hit the reset button, and get a fresh start. I had this thought in mind as I deboarded the train, traipsed from the platform to my car, and began what I thought would be a neverending 6-mile drive home. But as I made my turn westward about 4 miles from my apartment, I was greeted with this simple, yet amazing sunset. And as I said, it was no more special than any sunset that I had ever seen before, except in one sense: It was perfectly placed at the tail end of an emotional day, and it immediately lifted my mood to one of great peace and tranquility. It was the unwitting remedy to what ailed me.

Sometimes, a beautiful sunset is more than just that, but only if we have the consciousness to see it for what it is...........

"Our" Running

“I'm going out for my run now.” If you live with a runner, you've no doubt heard this, or some similar sort of utterance, many times over.

My run.

As if it's a possession. Yes, there is a direct association that we, as runners, tend to make about this seemingly absurd pastime with which we are constantly exhausting ourselves.

I'm always taken by the way we think of our running, and that it seems to belong to us. “I have to do my run before we go to dinner. ” With my being the operative word. And we even take the possessiveness further with training and racing terms like “my per mile pace” or “my splits” or even “my PR.”

Indeed, we make these kinds of possessive relationships with all sorts of things in our lives. But for the most part, it is with people and things. “Hey, that's my car you're sitting on!” or “My little Jeffrey is such a good student.” “My living room needs painting." “My town has only one traffic light.” and “My phone can send email in six different languages!”

People.
Places.
Things.

But what about running? It isn't something tangible that you can touch, or carry around in your pocket, or visit, or even see for that matter. It's not like that at all. So what is it then?

I'll tell you what it is. This simple act of locomotion - of moving your arms and legs, of pumping air in and out of your lungs, of feeling the breeze move past your face in the glory of the great outdoors - is something that you can feel.

You may not be able to touch your running, but it touches you in so many ways.

It touches your senses, and sometimes in very profound and unique ways. It touches virtually all of the muscles and organs in your body, bringing experiences that draw the mind into oneness with your physical self.

It contributes to your senses of strength, discipline, and personal character. It touches all of these things, and many more….

And why does running do all this? Because running is real. And once you understand that, running does become yours. It belongs to you because you belong to it. It's a symbiotic relationship of the healthiest kind, and one that would most of the time be almost foolish to forsake.

No, your running will never send a rocket ship to Mars. It will also never cure Alzheimer's Disease, nor will it stop war between nations. And just like the body that makes it possible to run in the first place, your running will not live forever.

But the running is still yours. It's personal, it's very real, and for many of us, it may be our most treasured possession. Take care of your running. Treat it with the respect it deserves, and it will go on giving you its power for a lifetime.

Lifetime Blog Achievement Award Acceptance Speech

Below is another entry that I had submitted to a Blog Idol contest on Myspace back in early 2007. Our assignment in this round was to write an acceptance speech for a Lifetime Achievement Award that we would deliver at the Blog Academy Awards.

Enjoy!

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Good evening fellow bloggers. Yes, that's right, fellow bloggers. I say that because at heart, we all are. We all have a story to tell, or an opinion that is just screaming to find its way out of our innards and into the land of bits and bytes affectionately known as the blogosphere.

On this very momentous occasion, it would be the blogger's temptation to try and entertain his or her audience. But in the interest of preserving the sanctity of this event, I'll refrain from doing so here. But if my speech should become a bore, and perhaps it will, a Myspace "Home" button has been conveniently provided for you on each of your seat backs. Simply click "home" and you'll find yourself in the kitchy company of Myspace Tom, and you will be free to move about the blog community once again.

So, I will start tonight by first thanking you all for being alive. From the bottom of my Czuch Republic-tenderized heart, I thank you for that. No, it's no joke, for you see, without your collective masses of eyes and ears, there is no blogger. Blogging is a symbiosis between reader and writer. It is a co-dependent relationship of the worst kind. And without the reader half, what is there really? I mean, if a blog falls on the internet, and nobody reads it, does that mean that Tom is your only Friend?

I would also like to thank you more specifically for your roving eyes, and for your keen sense of what's true and good in a blog. Readers, as I just mentioned, are the lifeblood of a good blogger. The relationships that are created between blogger and commenter help to sculpt and mold the blogger's subject matter and delivery. This perpetuates the career of the dedicated and prolific blogger, and can conversely demolish the career of the unseasoned or casual one. Comments and kudos are what we all crave. The instant gratification that life often fails to bring us can be acquired through the creation and delivery of a top-notch blog effort. We love our comments, and are often under a sense of obligation to comment on the comment, almost doubling the comment count in the process. And then there are the kudos….

Kudos kudos kudos. So many a tear has been shed over this subject. So much misery, despair and outright pain. Ouch! But what are kudos, really? Or is the right question 'What is kudos?' Can kudos be quantified?

If so, they should be swappable, like money or scrip. The guy at the pawn shop could use them every day. "I'll give you 200 kudos for that watch, mister." Kudos, whatever it is/they are, give a false sense of security to the blogger-at-large. They are handed out by commenters as if every blog is entitled to them. I'll be dedicating the final years of my blogging to many areas, one of which will be Kudos Reform. Unfortunately, the divided Blog Congress will make it difficult to pass such reform, but let us not let that stop the effort !!

Looking back on my early years, one could say that my less than fortunate upbringing made my rise to blog fame (or infamy, if you prefer) all the more unlikely. Many forces were working against me…

First there was the tragedy that befell me at the hospital on the day my mother gave birth to me. I was mistaken for a girl by the pediatrician (more on my genitalia problems later) and dressed in pink on my first day of life. This was the beginning of my life-long gender confusion, which continues to this day (should I wear the spike-heeled pumps or my spiffy wingtips today?)

Then there was the extreme destitution we suffered as a family. We were so poor that we couldn't afford books, so the 'bedtime stories' my mother read to us were typically off of toothpaste tubes, cereal boxes, junk mail, and even from banana peel labels (consequently, I mastered the word "Dole" at a very young age).

And there was also the tragic farm accident as a teen. A cyclonic ride in a hay baler ended with the partial loss of my left thumb. This now causes me to misstheSpacekeymanytimesandcreatesmuchdifficulty in myeverydayblog writing.

Despite these setbacks, I found my way to the internet in 2003; years behind my peers, but ready to learn the tricks of the trade, and to do whatever it took to make it to the big time. When I ultimately got to Bloggywood, what I found there was a great many impediments to success. It started to look like the only way to get to the top would be to "sleep" my way there ! And so began a sordid period of life when I blogged exclusively of the slut variety. Typical lurid language of that time included "if you give me kudos I will give you a good time ;)" and "comment me, bitches!"

But in the end, after some learning and maturing, I discovered that there was another way. I found that the application of high moral and intellectual standards in a daily blog would not only attract many readers, but readers of the highest caliber. Over time, a strong society of "TeeJayers" was built, and comments and kudos became the rule rather than the exception. Invitations to speak at blog conferences began streaming into my Inbox on a regular basis, and in time, my Display Name became branded. There is even talk now of a virtual theme park - TeeJay World. The thought of it makes my family beam with pride, and I have nobody but all of you to thank for this.

And so goes my story. But know that this is not the end – it is still, just the beginning…

So tonight, as I stand before you all, I consider myself [self] [self] [self], the luckiest man [man] [man] [man] on the face of the web [web] [web] [web]. If not for the aegis of the Blog Academy and the support of all of you, the readers, I might be just an ordinary Tom, living in an ordinary world of ordinary blogs.

And where would we all be without Myspace? The HORROR!

Thank you all…

The Way Things Are

A poem about love...

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What is it that brings

Us together in such a way as this?

It is a desire for happiness.

It is the need to pursue

A new path.

It is those things,

But it is so much more…..

It is experiences yet unhad.

It is freedoms that

Have never existed before.

It is a feeling of ecstacy,

Of desire, of dreams.

It's a oneness whose heart beats strong

A oneness with no boundaries,

That can expand infinitely,

Yet can be tended to, and nurtured

As if it is all right here,

In front of our eyes.

We can touch it, smell it, taste it.

And we know it feels right.

I am here,

And yet, I am invisible.

I am nothing,

Yet I am all things that have

Ever been before.

And I am also everything

That is yet to come.

I am here, and so are you.

I am yours,

You are mine,

We are ours.

We are now,

And we always will be.

Even if rain falls

And makes us feel as though

We are drowning in vast

Pools of water.

The world is but for us

Both to discover together.

It is a world where

"Somewhere warm and breezy"

Will always be

Just an embrace away….

"You cannot hurt me...."

I have a downstairs neighbor who has had it in for me since the moment I moved in. I have never done anything mean, or willfully intending to harm her or cause her misery, and yet she insists that I am constantly doing just that.

Over the time I have lived here, she has called the local police on me several times complaining about noise. One of those times, the police knocked on my door while I was in bed. Imagine me coming to the door to greet the police at 10:40pm in my jammy pants, and they telling me that they were responding to a complaint about a loud banging noise. Yes folks, I was doing late night carpentry just before I went to bed, but abruptly stopped and ran into the bedroom as soon as I saw the squad car out in front of the building. Are you effing kidding me!!!

Anyway, my life in the proximity of this miserable person has gone on too long. It has been toxic from the beginning, but my skin is thick, so I have managed for a long time. It won't be much longer though. I need quality of life, and I simply don't have it under these circumstances.

The latest episode:
I got up late this morning, and had to hurry to get out the door and over to the place where I meet my friends for our weekend run. In a rush, I ran to my car, passing this woman along the way as she was walking her dogs (and not saying a word to her, mind you). I jumped in my car quickly, turned the ignition, and started to back out of the parking spot I was in. Almost instantly I heard a violent scream "Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, HEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Despite seeing that I was in a hurry and would probably be pulling out quickly, this lovely person had taken her dogs directly behind my car and was just lolling along in her usual slo-mo pace (she is an immense woman, so can only go so fast). Seeing and hearing her, I quickly stopped, only to be met with further venom from her: "What the hell do you think you're doing, you ASSHOLE!!"


Yes, I am an asshole.


I was obviously trying to kill her, and thank heaven that this wonderful lady had gotten the asshole to keep from purposely running her over.



In most moments like that, I would feel bad for having been a bit careless. But in this case, I didnt feel bad, because she verbally attacked me. There was no compassion in her at all.
I guess I took it for granted that she would have realized that I was in a hurry (after all, I was running past her to my car) and would have ceded to me in my trying to back out. But no. Being the righteous and wonderful person that she is, it seems that she must have purposely (or mindlessly) brought her dogs directly behind me at just the right moment.


I am an asshole indeed.


And Bill Maher is a staunch conservative. And lions are herbivores. And Elvis is a vampire.








But no matter what she does, she cannot hurt me. Because her words and her actions are not about me, they are about her.

And I therefore do not take them personally.

Don Miguel Ruiz has taught me this, and I will abide by it forever.

What is cool?

I was looking back at some old Myspace blogs from 2-3 years ago, and here was one I thought deserved a re-post here on Blogger. The original post was from September 27, 2007.

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I had a convo with my sons Conor (age 9) and Brett (age 7) a few weeks ago about what it means to be cool. They are getting to that age where the concept of social acceptance is starting to become known to them. Anyway, that conversation was brought back to mind today by an exchange I had with my friend Sarah, who was telling me how she'd seen some old high school acquaintances at her gig last night. She described these people to me as the "cool macho" types. Or at least that's how they were pegged in their H.S. daze, right?

So this made me think all over again: What does it really mean to be cool? In our youthful times, it is a pretty subjective thing, and depends a lot on the time and place you are at. Math Club kids are NOT cool in the eyes of the Freaks and Jocks of high school. Jocks are primarily not cool in the eyes of the Freaks. And so on and so forth....

As we grow into adulthood, the concept of "cool" changes quite a bit. Pressure to act in a certain way in order to be socially accepted is replaced by the rigors of making a living and chasing the American dream.

So at this point in life, what is cool? It is complex for sure, and we could fill many weekends with open forum discussions in backyards and around kitchen tables. But in my mind, I think you can boil it down to a few basic things:

1) You truly live by the Golden Rule; you treat all people with love and respect, and you DO NOT judge

2) You have a fairly open mind to new things and experiences; in other words, there is almost nothing that you consider above you or beneath you

3) You always act true to yourself, and don't behave in any way that is for the sake of others


So I say, anybody who acts in these ways is about as cool as you can get.

But all of this is, of course, just my own opinion. I would welcome comments from all of you who care to share your opinions on what it means to be cool.

Discuss......

Dear Sir: Your condom sux!

For all who may be interested to read a bit of pulp fiction, here is a piece from about two and a half years ago that I wrote for a Mypace "Blog Idol" competition.

Our writing assignment for this round of the competition was to write a complaint letter to a service provider or product manufacturer. My entry is below:

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2-16-07 Dear Sir: Your condom sux!


February 16, 2007
Church & Dwight, Inc
469 North Harrison St
Princeton, MA 08543
Att: Consumer Affairs Dept

Re: Trojan condom product

Dear Sir / "Madame":

This letter is to lodge a formal complaint about your product Trojan-Enz Lubricated condom, which I used on Saturday, June 10, 2006 at approximately 10:45pm.

Your packaging advises to use the product "as directed," and I can certainly say that I did do that. My romantic partner will attest to the fact that I was using the condom for the intended purpose, and with proper care for its delicate nature. However, my appropriate actions could not prevent what I will heretofore refer to as the "catastrophic failure" that ensued.

Yes, that's right, in the course of its use, as directed, a catastrophic failure of epic proportions occurred. That failure has now cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars. Let me further elaborate, and in three parts:

The Fallout
Your product's catastrophic failure resulted in an unwanted pregnancy with my mistress. Despite my sex partner's "loose" nature, her strong religious ideals did not allow her to abort this illegitimate pregnancy. In one month she will give birth to a baby boy, and with no job, or job prospects, she has threatened to thrust the bastard child upon me. Although I expect the child to be immensely attractive, like myself, I had no intentions of becoming a full-time father at this time.

The Damages
With the prospect of raising this child from birth to adulthood lying ahead for me, the realized costs will be daunting to say the least. According to USDA statistics from 2004, the cost of raising a child from birth to age 17 is $269,400. Adjusting that figure for inflation, the cost has now grown to $294,380.
Present costs for 4 years of college at a public institution in New York run to $16,900/yr. Adjusting that figure for inflation to the time my child enters college calculates to $40,670/yr, or $162,680 total.
Further, the catastrophic failure has brought my otherwise happy marriage to a screeching halt. Total costs for my own divorce proceedings estimate to $14,320 (based on 2005 statistical average for divorces).

The Restitution
Since it was your faulty product and its catastrophic failure that has brought all this financial misery upon me, I demand that Engulf & Devour, er um, Church & Dwight take the steps necessary to make me financially whole. I therefore insist upon immediate financial restitution in the amount of $ 471,380. Since many children (especially gifted ones, like mine will surely be) cost much more than this to bring to full adult matriculation, taking into account private schooling, nannies, music lessons, special needs, etc., I am sure that your legal staff will concur that this amount is more than fair, and will agree to authorize immediate release of funds in accordance with this request.

The Satisfaction Guarantee on your packaging states that you will happily refund me if I return the unused portion of the product. Surmising that you have no use for the "unused" portion (GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!), I am sure that you will see my solution as a better one for both parties.

Thank you for your time, and I anxiously await my check in the aforementioned amount.


Yours sincerely,
Toomas Jeffington
567 Virginia St
Monroe, NY 10950
Cc: Georges Washingstone, Esq